Jun 20, 2006 22:44
17 yrs ago
English term
such that sometimes
English
Other
Poetry & Literature
Doing some proofreading. Story about flamingos.
It is such a terrible burning they feel that sometimes they raise one foot and stand still like that for hours because they cannot stretch it.
First, according to the original, "sometimes" should modify the "feel" part of the sentence. Second, I think it's not grammatically correct to say "such a terrible burning (that) they feel that", considering there is a that clause within a that clause.
My version would be:
Sometimes they feel such a terrible burning that they raise one foot and stand still like that for hours because they cannot stretch it.
Suggestions? Many thanks in advance.
It is such a terrible burning they feel that sometimes they raise one foot and stand still like that for hours because they cannot stretch it.
First, according to the original, "sometimes" should modify the "feel" part of the sentence. Second, I think it's not grammatically correct to say "such a terrible burning (that) they feel that", considering there is a that clause within a that clause.
My version would be:
Sometimes they feel such a terrible burning that they raise one foot and stand still like that for hours because they cannot stretch it.
Suggestions? Many thanks in advance.
Responses
| 4 +2 | both versions are fine |
awilliams
|
Responses
+2
13 mins
Selected
both versions are fine
I think your version is more elegant, but both are absolutely fine.
If anything, the stretching it is a problem.
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Note added at 31 mins (2006-06-20 23:15:47 GMT)
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A few comments:
The implied meaning could be slightly different:
sentence 1: they feel burning but only sometimes when they feel it they raise a foot
sentence 2: they sometimes feel burning and it is so bad that when they feel it they always raise a foot
Very subtle differences, though.
IMO, the original isn't wrong but it is a little stilted. I wonder whether the first sentence draws attention to the enormity of the "terrible burning" more than your version (?).
As far as your second comment is concerned, I personally don't find it a problem. Another example: "It is such a tough life I lead that sometimes I wonder whether..."
Not especially elegant but fine.
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Note added at 39 mins (2006-06-20 23:24:26 GMT)
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Sometimes their legs burn so terribly that they raise...
If anything, the stretching it is a problem.
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Note added at 31 mins (2006-06-20 23:15:47 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------
A few comments:
The implied meaning could be slightly different:
sentence 1: they feel burning but only sometimes when they feel it they raise a foot
sentence 2: they sometimes feel burning and it is so bad that when they feel it they always raise a foot
Very subtle differences, though.
IMO, the original isn't wrong but it is a little stilted. I wonder whether the first sentence draws attention to the enormity of the "terrible burning" more than your version (?).
As far as your second comment is concerned, I personally don't find it a problem. Another example: "It is such a tough life I lead that sometimes I wonder whether..."
Not especially elegant but fine.
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Note added at 39 mins (2006-06-20 23:24:26 GMT)
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Sometimes their legs burn so terribly that they raise...
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer.
Comment: "many thanks!!!"
Discussion